Better Together Final Week Plans Leaked

CONFIDENTIAL: Project Fear for the last few days

A few notes about our schedule. The polls show that the punters just aren’t buying the scare stories so let’s turn the volume up to 11.


If Scots vote Yes on Thursday, Stephen Hawking has warned it will could cause the Higgs boson to become megastable with the universe undergoing catastrophic vacuum decay. A bubble of the true vacuum will expand at the speed of light wiping out Scotland’s enormous wealth, all life and indeed everything. (Do NOT check with quote with Hawking beforehand. We don’t want anyone pointing out we’re making it all up, like Tesco did.)

Image by James Vaughan


HP Lovecraft has warned that a vote for Yes will lead to Dread Cthulhu rising from his uneasy sleep in R’lyeh, unleashing gibbering abomination and blasphemous extinction upon the doomed world, driving its denizens into sobbing madness. (Recent rituals at Blythswood Square have confirmed that, like the BNP, Orange Order and UKIP, Cthulhu is “onside” on this issue. Also, probably more credible than George Galloway, despite being fictitious.)

Image by Spankye


An independent Scotland will trigger a return of the Great Depression. (Moved to Saturday.)

Image by George Lane


Any ideas? (We’ve had to change plans on this one. We had something really hard-hitting but then it turned out to be the plot for the Poseidon Adventure and there were copyright issues.)

Image by Jez Arnold


If people in Scotland vote Yes then they will be in control of Scotland’s enormous wealth and resources which is a bad thing because… (Our line here needs development.)

Image by Robert Wallace

Gavin Innes
National Collective